Chapter Text
Me and the boys got dragged into the lair and threw us in a large cell. All of the plans had failed. We thought the castle was abandoned, but we didn't expect my ex-boyfriend living in the castle as a cult leader along with Shibusawa! It's a literal shame. I thought he was dead, but it turns out he and his companion occupied the castle to stay away from the outside world. Do people like him get caught for murder? I'm not sure.
"Great, we're screwed." Mario dusted his body.
"Don't treat us like pieces of trash. We're not spies!" Notaker yelled through the door.
The Waddle Dees didn't trust him.
"I can't believe we fell into their trap." Said Toad.
"I don't think there are any amenities in this place." Said Mario.
"Hey, I think snakes in this urn will take care of us." Luigi pointed at the urn.
We laughed jokingly until-
"Snakes!" We screamed in realization and hugged each other.
"Wait, what was that urn for?" Luigi asked.
"I assume that special urn filled with venomous snakes is for snake charmers." Said Toadsworth. "That white haired man- in the name of Tatsuhiko Shibusawa- said that captured men become snake charmers, and the women they hired become dancers and perform one night stands."
"Where did you get that information from?" I asked. "I thought you don't know him."
Toadsworth pulled out some pictures. "There is a spy agency in the Mushroom Kingdom. The spies took pictures prior to visiting this castle."
"Is that Fyodor drinking wine?" I pointed the picture at the left side.
"Wow, I didn't know your ex-boyfriend has a partner better than you." Toad giggled.
"Hey, don't say embarassing stuff like that!" I yelled.
"Did you use drones for this?" Asked Notaker.
"Yes, Master Notaker. We used noise-cancelling drones to take pictures of their daily lives." Answered Toadsworth.
"Did you upload them on social media?" I asked.
"No, I don't do that. You know, I created the plan of solving mysteries of this abandoned castle. And I'd think why can't I take the Mario brothers, Toad, and some additional people for this expedition."
"That's amazing!" Notaker chimed.
"I really wanted Fyodor to get arrested. How come he never got caught?" I whined.
"That guy must be a dirty crook. Staying away from the outside world after murdering someone doesn't mean their free life will last longer." Notaker commented.
"That's true. Nobody can get away with murder, unless if they have high IQ level." I agreed.
"Oh, anyone with any IQ level can get caught."
Luigi shook the bars. "Oh man. The question is how are we gonna get out of this place.
His brother walked towards him. "Maybe one of the Waddle Dees have the keys. If they come, we'll scare them to knockout, take the keys, and unlock the door."
"Cool idea!"
"Let us check that urm, shall we?" I said.
"Oh no, nobody likes snakes." Said Notaker.
"Can you check the urn?" I asked Toad.
"Sorry, I'm too short to use that." He replied.
"No, no, I'll check it." Notaker stepped forward.
"I thought you don't like snakes." I said.
"I'll be fine." He peeped over the urn, find lengthy snakes sleeping, their bodies coiled in circles. The appearance make him gag, and he backed up.
"What's the matter?" Asked Luigi.
"The snakes look pretty horrendous. I'm afraid one of them might bite me suddenly." Notaker shuddered.
"Why not use the flute provided for us?" I asked.
"Hmm?"
The girls were in the fitting room, wearing traditional Arab outfits. Seline and Jackie huddled together silently to make some plans.
"We gotta keep waiting here until the boys come to the rescue." Jackie turned back. "Maybe the first dance will be a little longer than our dance."
"Why can't we allow the men to perform their act?"
"Won't their identities be revealed in case an accident happens?"
"That'll be the way of escaping the castle. We can't stay here for a long period of time."
The two ladies looked at Sigma sitting like a lonely girl.
"She looks very sad. Maybe we should comfort her."
"True. She's desperate for her boyfriend."
They walked towards here.
"You don't to feel sad, bubs." Seline patted her shoulder. "Your best friend will come back within sometime."
"Yeah, if we don't get the chance to dance, then he'll come back soonly." Said Jackie.
Sigma did not feel like listening, so she kept her head down.
"I think she didn't get me."
"Same. Let us leave her alone." Seline sighed.
Meanwhile in the dungeon, Notaker was trying to make a hypnotizing tune with a flute. Each time he attempted, no results came. When he felt like losing air, he gave up.
"Everytime I play the flute, the snakes don't respond."
"It seems that snakes like catchy tunes. They don't dance to unbroken tunes." Said Toadsworth.
"I get it! I used to play with flutes when I was a kid, and I loved the sweet melodies. But this one is trash."
"Oh man, I wanna leave this place so badly." Luigi groaned. "Since pipes don't summon in this place, we might die due to natural causes."
"You know everytime I hear a weasel tune, something pops inside of me; then everything goes blank." Said Mario.
The weasel tune- it gave me an extraordinary idea of a way of escaping the cell. "I know how we will get out of this cell!"
"Oh dear! What plans do you have, Master Osamu?" Toadsworth exclaimed.
"Someone who is sensitive to weasel tune can help us escape this place." I said.
"Did someone say weasel tune?" Notaker felt himself brightening. "I know how to play that tune!"
"Me too! I can play it for my best brother in the world!" Luigi said as Notaker gave him the flute.
"W-wait. Luigi, I can-" Mario tried to persuade his brother but it was too late.
He started blowing the flute, to the tune of Pop goes the weasel. Mario can feel the strength building in his body. He had his hands curled into fists and made punching stances in thin air. In order to get more, he ripped the chain hanging next to him, and rightaway he barged out of the cell, breaking the bars. He got knocked down by hitting his body towards the wall.
We exited the cell to help him stand up.
"Master Mario. Master Mario, are you alright?" Toadsworth asked.
"Did you get yourself hurt?" I Asked.
"Why did you have to play that song, Luigi?!" Mario yelled.
His younger brother chuckled nervously. "My bad, big bro, I didn't mean to overstimulate you like this."
"Hey, let's not start an argument. We must get out of this dungeon, find the girls, and leave this place." Said Notaker.
"We need a disguise first." Said Toad.
"After we escape the dungeon, we'll steal the royal outfits."
"Like I said before, the men should dress up as the Maharajas, and the women should dress as the dancers." Said Toadsworth
"I think the girls are dancers now." I said, half unsure.
"Then, what are we waiting for? Let's-a go!" Mario said.
All of us ran forward. The Koopa guards heard their footsteps and woke up to attempt trapping us in one of the abandoned cells.
"Hey!" Notaker pushed the door, squeezing their heads between the bars.
"Seems that the Koopalings might trap us when we find us escaping this crooked place." Said Luigi.
"We know how to defeat them." The magician shut the cell.
I kicked their asses before following the others. We used stairs as shortcut, because we believed it might lead to a silent space. In the midst, we hit the floating mystery blocks, defeated the Koopa guards by letting them fall into their traps, and collected power-ups.
Suddenly, we stopped by a Waddle Dee wearing a blue bandana sitting alone by the doorway.
"What happened to you, little guy?" Toad asked first.
They looked at us and got to their feet.
"Did someone hurt you?" I asked.
To elaborate the issues, Bandana Waddle Dee took out a piece of paper. I took it from them and unfolded to read the context. It wasn't an ordinary letter. It was a emotional piece they tore from their diary and hid it by themselves. It was filled with regret, anger, suicide, and depression. How can an adorable creature like them get abused by a sick individual like Fyodor?! I never really had trusts for that sick prick. Trust me, I have trust issues for that bitch.
"Hey, I've never read a sad diary journal written by a cute creature like Waddle Dee." Mario said. "It's so heart-wrenching."
"That dirty crook. Never knew sick beings like Fyodor and Shibusawa rape adorable creatures from other Nintendo universes." I said.
"My goodness, I hate to break it to you but there were cases that some Mushroom Kingdom denizens get raped and assaulted by sex offenders." Toad said.
"Since when?" I asked him. "I don't remember hearing that."
"Reporters once said that about eight people got assaulted by the cult leaders. They were planning some sort of a spree, and it's sickening."
"It must be Fyodor. He started the cult along with Shibusawa and they occupied this old castle to lure innocents and assault them."
"Why did you think of dating him before?" Asked Mario.
"I think I'll explain later after getting outta this castle. We must go find Sigma." I refused to answer his question, my mind worrying about my best friend.
Bandana Waddle Dee reached his hands up, waving.
"You want help?"
They nodded.
"You regret working with Fyodor?"
And again, they nodded.
"Do you know where's the exit?"
To this, Bandana Waddle Dee hopped to my arms, climbed up, and sat on my right shoulder. I was shocked that I somewhat befriended that little creature. They pointed to the front, telling us to run straight.
"Right, let's get outta here and save the girls."
We continued running.
In the hall, Fyodor and Shibusawa were sitting in front of the dining table. The food was already set , along with the drinks. Kirby was at the left edge of the table, sleeping. Their snores were as adorable as their identity. On the other hand, one Waddle Dee was treated as a pillow for Shibusawa.
"Seems that the plan is going well." He whispered. "Spies like Dazai and his friends don't have the right to trespass this place."
"And that cute little creature." Fyodor looked at Kirby. "That little child looks too cute to be assaulted during his sleep. I want to pound him and fill him with my seed."
"Twist-minded, aren't you? You fed him sleeping pills."
"Huh?" Fyodor looked at his unamused companion.
"Aren't you aware that that creature looks too young to get filled?"
"I'm unsure about his age. He looks like a child, but he might be older than his appearance."
"He lived more longer than us."
"I'm older than him."
"You're a time traveller, you know?"
"I'm a dimension traveller."
Shibusawa sighed and snapped his fingers. "Dance time."
A dancer appeared from the curtain, performing her Indian dance. A musician sitting on the chair was beating his tabla, humming to the infamous levan polkka song. Fyodor merely danced to the beat, watching the dancer move around the mat, shaking her flabby belly covered in fishnets.
"Alright, I'm sure Your Majesty will like it." Seline accepted the heavy necklace handed by the Koopa guard. She had a petty argument with him, but accepted her fate at the end.
Sigma on the other hand was confused. She had never worn such traditional clothings before, and she had no idea how to use the veil. The big necklace looked light to her unlike Seline. The next thing the girls expected was the boys and I entering the fitting room, dressed in royal clothing (all were disguised as princes except Notaker, who was disguised as a dancer).
"Hello! We are the Maharajas of this grand old castle and we came here to woo you!" Mario announced.
"Hey!" Sigma and the other girls ran to us. "Glad you came too early with your new friend!"
"Where did you get that guy from?" Seline asked.
I shushed. "We got no time to explain. Let's get outta here."
As the dance was still going on, the music sped a little faster. Fyodor and Shibusawa were sitting still, so was Kirby next to them. We slowly walked behind the curtains, following Bandana Waddle Dee's lead. We were all walking normally, except Luigi wearing his badly made glasses. He was tipping side to side, like a clown trying to walk on a thin rope. The vision was very foggy, as if it was never cleaned for years.
As the two cult leaders kept watching the dance, Shibusawa noticed the shadows behind the thin curtains. He got up from his seat and Fyodor looked at him.
"My apologies, Fyodor." He walked away from the table as the other petted Kirby.
The woman was still dancing to the fast music behind the curtains. Not able to take anymore steps, Luigi fell to the curtains, ruining the session by knocking the poor woman. His brother noticed him and quickly pulled him up along with the woman.
"My goodness, Luigi." He murmured as she got up and walked away.
"For heaven's sake, what made you fall down like this?" Said Toadsworth.
Shibusawa peeped his head between the curtains. "What's going on here?"
"Uh, nothing." Mario replied nervously.
"You're coming with me, young women." He took Seline, Jackie, Notaker, and Sigma and walked back to the table.
We huddled in a circle to create some plans.
"Who's good at throwing knives here?" I asked.
"I have the blades, but I don't know who will be throw them." Answered Toad.
"I'll stand behind the wall, Luigi will throw the knives." Said Mario.
"Does that mean I'll become the host of this performance?" I said.
"Ah yes, you will take care of Master Luigi because he is the one wearing impaired glasses." Said Toadsworth.
I took a moment to think.
Shibusawa had settled in front of the dining along with Notaker, Bandana Waddle Dee, and the girls as the Koopa gaurds set a circular table and two chairs in front of them. Sigma peeked at him, and horrible memories started to unwind in her head. Every second she stared got her heart slowly falling to the ground. She despised him so badly, and meeting him again was a bad mistake that could cost a life.
I popped myself out of the curtains and cleared my throat before speaking in my different voice. "Greetings to everyone in the castle! Today we are going to share you all our very rare special talent! May I please welcome..." I pointed at the curtains. "Lulu the Maharaja."
Luigi came out of the curtains, waving everyone like a celebrity. He took a chair and fell off unfortunately.
"For god's sake, Luigi, we just started the show." I pulled him up.
"Yeah, I know." He settled down.
"Lulu has an experience of throwing blades like a master. I was the one who got convinced, but before the show begins, I would like to introduce our assistants." As soon as I spoke, Mario, Toad, and Toadsworth came out of the curtains. They waved their hands and stood next to me.
"What does the raja do?" Asked Mario.
"We'll see." I sat down on the chair and looked at him. "Maha?"
"Aha?" Luigi turned away.
I slapped the table. "Raja."
Luigi looked at me.
"Rashbanya ajosnke kaihjso jahosw"
"Rashbanya jyante puchiti...nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Mmhmm."
I looked at the audience. "The Raja says that he used to perform sharpshooting when he was a kid. He knows there is a vast history of knives, but its impossible to remember every type of them because their origins are unknown."
"Fair enough." Jackie whispered feebly.
"I-I think the plan is going well." Sigma hushed.
"It has just started." Seline hushed back.
"The thing is it can't be used for chopping anything. It can be used to show talent of sharpshooting." I stood up from my chair. sh*t, this is gonna be awkward as hell.
"Talent? Oh, my favourite bit." Luigi stood up ecstatically.
"Quiet!" I yelled, making him sit down.
"Say, what will be the first trick?" Mario asked.
"Good question." I sat down. "Maha?"
"Aha?" Luigi turned away.
"Raja!" I shouted and he looked at me. "Rashbanya shiati puti kou tire raman?"
"Rashbanya ka tou puu tila ke rocka down."
"Pya tile gouta razors?"
"Razors ah push that tilu too dai."
"That's great." I got up from the chair. "Seems that he will show you all his talent by throwing blades to things placed on one's head. First, he'll have to try the pistol, then he will show his knife-throwing skills."
"Wait, me?" Mario said.
"Why yes." I pushed him to the wall and pricked his head with a pin. "You don't need to kneel down." I added before going back to the table. "Does anyone have a pistol?"
"A pistol-a?" Luigi repeated.
"I have one." Shibusawa murmured, taking out his gun from his robe and threw it to me.
"Oh, pistol-a." Luigi took it from me and had no idea how to use it. Since he was born in Mushroom city, no denizens had used guns. It was possibly illegal to buy unauthorized weapons because it symbolizes harm and hatred.
The gun pointing towards my chest got me throwing his direction towards the ceiling. He immediately pulled the trigger, causing the bullet to fly and bounce every wall. It would crack the invisible pin on Mario's head, giving him a startle. To this, everyone clapped their hands.
"Man, that was so close." Mario touched his own head.
"Give me that." I snatched the pistol from his younger brother's hand and threw it back to Shibusawa.
"What's next, Maharaja?" Said Toad.
"We'll see." I looked at Luigi, picking up a large plate. "Maha?"
"Aha?" He looked down.
"Raja!" I stamped my feet, making him look at it. "What is this?"
"I know- a mirror!"
I shrugged, putting it down.
"Nice try, chump." Mario murmured.
"Be quiet and stay still." I rasped.
Mario bit his lip.
I took the blades out of the table and clanked them in order to get his brother's attention. "Maha?"
"Aha?" He stood up, facing the opposite direction.
"Raja!"
He turned to me.
"Knifies?"
"Oh, knifies!" He took the blades from me.
"There ya go." I lead him to the wall where Mario was standing still.
In this case, Toad put an apple on his head, with a black cross on it.
"Throw it right at the desired cross mark." I demanded him, taking the rest of the blades from him.
"Right." Luigi spun around slowly, not knowing how to focus his blurry vision.
The cult leaders along with their hostages got confused, like me. I just took so many from him, leaving one on his hand. Yet, he is somewhat bad on using it, thanks to the glasses. When he faced towards his brother, he threw the blade, directly jabbing the apple. To this, everyone applauded.
"That was close." I gave him more blades. "Mistad."
"Meestad."
"Positive."
"Meestad positive."
"Positive?! What is he aiming at?" Mario yelled.
"You'll see." I answered.
Luigi shuffled them before taking two. Mario shut his eyes, spreading his arms. After some hesitant moves, he threw it and one hit next to his cheek, the other next to his thigh. He then took the rest of his blades and I spun him around to make it a little more complicated.
"This is the last move, everyone." I announced to the people settled towards the dining table. "He'll throw three blades in one go. Once he gets dizzy, he'll show you the proof that he's the knife master."
Once he stopped spinning, he faced towards the dining table. Everyone freaked out, dodging for their lives. When he faced towards the table, everyone freaked out. To avoid the sudden drama, I sharply stopped him.
"This way!" I pointed at Mario.
Luigi turned to my direction.
"This is your last throw. Don't be clumsy, Luigi." Mario murmured.
His younger brother raised his knees up and down, and for the last time, he threw the blades.
"Ouch!" Mario crouched, his head being revealed, thanks to the blade stabbing the turban.
"Yippee!" Luigi cheered. "That was fun."
"God, I can't handle this." I took a deep inhale, I sneezed all of the sudden, causing Luigi's and my cap to fly away. Kirby even woke up by my loud sneeze.
Shibusawa pointed at me and the Mario brothers. "Cease them!"
"Okay, I'm outta here." I ran away and Luigi hid behind the table, removing his crooked glasses.
"Take this flute and blow it whenever you're ready, Master Luigi." Toadsworth passed him the flute.
Mario was struggling to get out of the Koopa guards' restraint. "Help me! Luigi!"
"I gotcha, bro!" Luigi began playing the weasel tune.
"Oh yeah. I'm feeling pumped up!" He let go off the Koopalings' restraint, and pounded them on their head. He then kicked them, causing them to spin and slide in every directions. They ended up crashing a wall, getting expelled from the castle. To this, Luigi stopped playing the tune, in order to calm his brother down.
I punched a guard to knockout mode and cracked one of their back to unconsciousness. "Come on, bubby!" I stretched my arms to let Kirby jump to my arms.
Everyone on the table stood up, and Fyodor pulled out his pistol to aim at me. In defense, Kirby stretched his mouth open, inhaling all the food present on the table. Not only they swallowed the food, they even stole Fyodor's pistol, transforming into a variation: Gun Kirby. The variation was something that didn't belong to children's games.
"sh*t, this creature is stronger than I thought." Shibusawa said as he, Fyodor, and the hostages got up to their feet to back up from the table.
"I won't forgive him stealing my pistol." Fyodor said.
"I have a spare one, Fyodor."
"Are you alright, Mario?" Luigi asked as his brother came to him.
"I'm fine, bro, thanks for asking."
"Let's get out of this place."
The Mario brothers, Toad, and Toadsworth joined me.
"Come on, you guys!" Toad shouted.
"Let's get out of this place!" Notaker said to the girls.
"You ain't going anywhere." Fyodor ceased him to pull his veil down, only to get shocked.
Notaker clocked his stomach and threw him aside. For the first time, Sigma got the courage to slap Shibusawa for traumatizing her childhood. I pushed the curtain aside, and after Notaker, Waddle Dee, and the ladies exited the hall, we followed them. The cult leaders stumbled to their feet and chased us.
We descended the staircase after leaving the castle. On my head, Kirby was going nuts with the pistol, shooting around. Some bullets killed the Koopas that were trying to bomb us, while others flew somewhere in the sky. We found an empty jeep and stuffed ourselves into the seat. Our enemies exited the place and caught us getting inside the vehicle.
"Come on, bro, you can do this." Jackie encouraged Notaker trying to start the car.
Kirby tried pulling the trigger but they realized that their pistol got empty.
"Give it up, Kirby, the pistol's finished." I told them.
Disheartened, they threw it away.
Once the engine revved, it drove backwards. The cult leaders and the guards backed up as the jeep climbed the staircase.
"Let me see your driver's license, David!" Jackie yelled.
"Who's got a license?"
"Did you learn how to drive?"
"Certainly, but this jeep is too crappy." He startled when the tires spun and drove forward.
Fyodor and Shibusawa chased us.
"Be sober! Don't drink and drive!" Seline screamed as we drove out of the castle.
